A snippit of our life

Best Day Ever

2011-05-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

So as you know thanks to all your lovely votes I won the mothers day make over by this amazing girl. Cara was over-the-top beautiful and SO talented. The girl has got some mad skills! We couldn't stop talking the WHOLE time. It was such a fun day of pampering! I got my hair done at Lunatic Fringe. You can check them out here. My stylist was Mandy Romprey and she was Amazing! Anyone in the St. George area I highly recommend checking her out. This whole experience was so out of my comfort zone but I'm so glad I had the opportunity to be part of it. I owe all of you who voted for me something super lovely. Remind me of that next time you see me:)

Vote for Pedro..I mean JADE

2011-04-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

Ok so. This is kind of hilarious. My sweet sweet husband did something so thoughtful for me and even though it is sort of stressing me RIGHT out I'm trying to be calm and just go with it. There is a local girl here in St. George who is a professional make-up artist and has a website all about make-up and make-up application and where to find good brushes etc. Anyway I "liked" her page on facebook and Matthew noticed and clicked on it and he stumbled upon a contest she was doing for mothers day. You could nominate someone who you thought was a good mom and she picked the top five finalists and then posted them on her website and now whoever gets the most votes wins a day at a salon for a hair and make-up makeover followed by a professional photo shoot. I consider myself a confident person but for some reason the thought of people reading the little paragraph about me and then choosing who to vote for is giving me heart failure! I feel so vulnerable!! Anyway, I figure if I am already this far I might as well go for it so I'm posting the link to the website and if you have a spare moment go vote for me. There's a grandma kicking my butt:)
www.maskcara.com

I tried

2011-04-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

I think I have been out of the blogging loop too long. I'm staring at some pictures and then staring at the screen and I can't for the life of me figure out how to combine some words and pictures without it being anything but a snoozer! So I think I'm going to keep this simple. Baby steps here people. 

First off the kids and I took a spontaneous trip to San Diego with my mom and Will. Will was anxious to go see some people from his mission and I was anxious to do some California shopping so it worked out well for both parties.

I texted this picture to Matthew from California and he almost drove down to make an offer...I think it has a really homey vibe don't you?

Petco Park. Other then the fact I have no eyes and my hair looks like I'm in a 80's butt rock band, it's really creepy to get a family picture with your brother. People walking by kept smiling at us like "what a cute family" This is not the first time we have been mistaken as a couple and it creeps me out Every time!! I kept yelling out brother sort of loud at random times just so I didn't feel so dirty.

Oh, my house is the one on the left

Who would of thought you could get the farm vibe right in the center of San Diego

took these pics in a park where Will later informed me has had several murders in lately..

Shoved between two car seats in the back of a car = good times

We got home from SD and the next day Laken turned 5! She made a list of everything she wanted to do and it went something like this. Eat waffles with whipped cream and strawberries,go to cupcake shop, go swimming, go fishing,go to target, go to jumpin jacks, go to pirate island pizza.

We managed to do everything but replaced fishing with pedicures. She was hilarious and wanted zebra on her toes. Oh, and I may have told her that pirate island pizzas ovens were broken. Yes I'm that selfish and reeeaallly didn't feel like cardboard pizza so we went to Texas Road House. I sold her on it because I told her she got to ride a saddle and they would sing to her. But when we got there the booth beside us had a birthday and the terror on her face was priceless! Lets just say she didn't sit on the saddle.

Went on an Amazing Hike a couple of days ago. One of the many reasons I love St. George. Within 10 minutes you are in mind blowing landscapes

We were in an underground cave which was pitch black...why am I the only one who looks like a crack addict?

Had an Epic Easter Egg hunt yesterday. Track found a few eggs and was totally satisfied. Laken swept the lawn probably fifteen times like there was a bounty for each egg she found.

Okay so this is not her only dress it just so happens it was her Easter dress and I let her wear it a week early in San Diego and that happened to be the day I took a bunch of pics so don't judge.

There. Our month. Left a little to be desired. I'll work on it.

Deep Breaths

2011-03-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

We're back from our month long escape to Canada. My home. I'm back in St. George. My other home. Just trying to play the role of a wife a mother and Jade. Some roles are proving easier then others. Since Locke was born I keep finding myself whenever I'm out and about in busy places looking around at all the people around me going about their lives doing their thing looking so normal and I want to scream "Everyone Freeze!!!" Life cannot just go on as normal because I'm standing here without my baby and I don't quite know how to do that yet so everyone freeze so I don't have to keep feeling so on the outside looking in at everyone's normal life. But that's where I'm probably wrong. Assuming that everyone's life is just normal. If there's something I've learned is that things are never how they appear. It's so easy to glance at someone and make an initial evaluation in five seconds or less. Sometimes good sometimes bad. When I was pregnant I constantly had people so innocently commenting on by belly or asking me questions and I would smile and answer and in my head I would be saying if you only knew. But at the same time I would find myself looking at other pregnant girls envying them and wishing that was me when I had No idea what their story was. Probably happy but you never know. I'm sure my story looked quite happy as well. If everyone had that mind frame it would require a lot more empathy from everyone and that could never be a bad thing.

I just need to figure out what my knew life looks like. It can never be like my old life so how does it look? I haven't figured that out yet but I do have hope and that is something that I haven't had for a very long time. I have a new kind of normal as well. There are days when I surprise myself how normal I feel but it's a different kind of normal that I am use to. It all just comes with the territory I guess. Time is a double edge sword. The moment you feel relief that you've got through another day a week a month is the moment you feel panic that you've gone a day a week a month without rocking kissing loving your baby. It always comes back to faith. When realities knock the wind out of me I give it all to the Lord and know he'll take over the rest. I think I just need to start breathing again and then maybe eventually, without even realizing it, I'll look around and see that everything has taken it's rightful new place and there is a little order restored. One day.

I'm also going to try to blog our everyday life again. Everything has been on hold for a very long time and it's time to start living again. Not forgetting, just living.

We make a pretty good team I think

Baby Locke

2011-02-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

So I've been staring at this screen for quite some time now. How do I even begin? How to I put into sentences what these last few weeks have been for me? How do I put a conclusion on my story that has been followed by many faithful amazing people that have cried with me and prayed with me and took a little bit of my pain and made it their own? If I am completely honest and raw I have to admit there is part of me that wants to keep him all for myself. That somehow sharing the details of Lockes story will cheapen it or make it seem less real if that makes any sense. But after a lot of contemplation of why I was feeling like that I realized something. I have had the honor to not only be Lockes mom but also his voice. Since the moment we were told of his special calling he has been touching peoples lives. I believe that Locke was too pure and too valiant for this world. He had already proven himself worthy. He did not have to come down and be tested, but he still wanted to change lives. He still wanted to be a missionary every little way he could. He wanted to do as much good as he could in the few precious months before he was born and then the minutes he was here, and he has. He knew of his calling and he fulfilled it, and then some.

I surprised myself that I was already emotional before we even entered the hospital that day. I couldn't help but have a few tears constantly drip down my cheek as the reality of January 25th was no longer that date I was preparing for but the date I was living. I felt calm and a little numb but things continued to happen around me and I just sort of tried my best to take it all in. I knew that what ever happened that day was because that was the way it was supposed to be. It was all part of the plan and nothing was going to be a mistake. I remember laying in that bed with Matthew sitting beside me and thinking how we were never going to be the same no matter what happened that day.

Everything progressed very slowly. By late afternoon I still had a long way to go. Locke looked good on the monitors at that point so we waited. Our fan club sat patiently in the waiting room. Between our parents and siblings and cousin we had fifteen people there for us. Whenever I needed a shot of love Matthew would go get Laken and Track from the waiting room and they would rally my spirits. Laken sat by my bed and rubbed my hand between hers softly and slowly because she said my hands were freezing but hers were toasty. Matthew had given Laken and Track blessings the night before and they were perfect the whole day. It was such a long day but I needed them there when Locke was born and they were blessed. At this point ignorance was bliss. I picture myself laying there so utterly and completely naive of what was to come. I think somewhere in the back of my head I let myself think that maybe we were going to skip the heartache. The whole concept was still, even after months of preparing and knowing, too big for me digest. I listened to other moms in rooms beside me have their babies and wait for that first little cry and I thought to myself that maybe that could be me too. I believe in a God of miracles so why not know?

By about 9:30pm after hours of little progress Locke started to show signs of distress. Three doctors and a few nurses came into my room and circled my bed and began shooting scenarios and options and recommendations at me. When they were done they paused and looked at me expecting a reply or some feedback. My head was swimming. I was so confused. The only thing that kept repeating in my mind was we could lose him which they said a hundred times in every scenario. I was having a hard time keeping any sort of composure and I think all I could say was- I needed to meet him. So after a little more monitoring, and I had had a chance to digest a little of what they were telling me, it was very clear to me that I needed a C-section. I knew in my heart that as Lockes mom I needed to do everything I possibly could for him. There was too much I was never going to be able to fix but if I could give him life, even just for a little while, he would know how much I loved him. I needed to know for myself that I did absolutely everything I could for my baby. Within a few minutes they were prepping me for surgery.

Everything was sort of in slow motion from this point on and I don't really remember comprehending much until I heard the doctor say the beautiful words I had been waiting to hear, "He's looking around!". It's like everything became very clear again and my heart skipped a beat. I laid on that operating table with strangers buzzing all around me and a curtain in front of me so I couldn't see anything but I knew he had done it. He had fulfilled his mission and we were now on borrowed time. I waited patiently to meet him. Matthew had left my side to go give him his name and blessing. They let our two fathers be part of that which I will forever be grateful for. The moment I saw Matthew cross that room with that little bundle of perfection wrapped in his arms, I was in love. He laid him cheek to cheek with me and I tried desperately to take him all in. The first thing I said was he looked like Track. I also knew the moment I laid eyes on him our time was very short. It was now that we entered into another dimension. We were in the presence of an angel and heaven was very close. His spirit was brilliant. He radiated everything pure in this world. Looking back I realize how much Heavenly Father was protecting my heart. He let me feel everything wonderful and he let me enjoy every moment with him, the heartache could wait.

I didn't know how I was going to feel once he had passed. I didn't know if I was going to feel instantly different and struggle. But nothing changed. His spirit was very close because I could still feel him beside us. Laken was amazing. She kissed him and rocked him and wrapped his little finger around hers and told us "He loves it when I do this!". She was the proud big sister and I know in her amazing little mind she knew how special he was.We couldn't get enough of him. Once everyone had had a chance to hold him and love him it was just Matthew and I. I had got very little sleep the night before and then had been through labor all day but I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't waste a minute not starting at his perfect little face. Matthew pushed his bed up to mine and we laid him between us and marveled. We examined every toe and every finger. Two of his toes were webbed and Matthew thought it was hilarious. We awed at his tiny features and how he had my nose and Tracks mouth and chin. He had a look of babies with Trisomy 18 but he still looked like he belong to our family. Both of our other babies were over nine pounds so his tiny four pound ten ounce body was a novelty all on it's own. His hair was amazing. A perfect amount of silky soft down over his entire head. I never wanted to forget his smell so I constantly had my nose buried in his cheek. This was part of the other dimension. Matthew and I were holding our baby that we never heard make a noise. The baby we were never going to get to watch grow up. The baby we were going to have to say goodbye to all too soon, and all we could do is soak him in and feel of his amazing spirit. I know that was Heavenly Fathers and Lockes gift to us. There was a miracle that day. Locke was a miracle. There was greatness in that room and there is no way of describing it unless you could feel it for yourself.

That greatness stayed with us while we were at the hospital. Since I had a c-section I had to stay for two days but we continued to feel peace. That doesn't mean I ever stopped crying. From the minute we entered the hospital until we left three days later I think I had tears in my eyes. A few sober moments but then more tears. My eyes were so swollen I looked like I had had some type of allergic reaction. But although I never stopped crying I still had Lockes spirit with me and he made me strong and he allowed me enjoy the time I had with him. Everyone on the hospital staff who were part of it had a reverence about them. It didn't matter who you were or where you had come from you knew that Locke had a purpose and that he was amazing. But once we got home from the hospital that spirit was gone and the heartache set in. I have had my moments. I have been blessed that through all of this I have been able to recognize truth and cleave to it. That when I hear doctrine or scripture or quotes pertaining to Lockes purpose I can feel that it is true and it strengthens me. I've never asked Heavenly Father why or gone through phases where I was mad I have always been able to comprehend this higher calling and get my strength from the Lord. I sort of feel like Heavenly Father gave me this trial but also protected me every way he could. I also believe that Locke is protecting me. I know that Locke is very happy. I know that he is up there fulfilling his mission and working miracles. All of this knowledge enables me to still be a mom and to still find joy in this world. But I still wake up in the morning and make a conscience effort to get out of bed and live. The empty arms are very real. A few days after he was born I laid in bed the entire day and ached so bad through my entire body that it was literally painful. All of my knowledge of the plan of salvation still couldn't take away that ache inside of me that I didn't have my baby. It was like my mind and my body were screaming at me to get him. It's every mothers natural instinct to protect your young and to take care of them. How could I leave him?!? I felt like a crazy person because I kept picturing myself going and getting him and bringing him back home with me because the fact that he wasn't there was just too much to handle.

I held his little outfit that he wore in the hospital as tight as I could and pictured him in it. I knew this part was coming. How could it not. From the moment I found out of his calling I pictured these times. There was no getting around it so I just let it all in and mourned my baby. I still feel raw and my emotions are always close to the surface but we just take one day at a time. I can't look too far ahead because it scares me. I just know that if I stay close to the Lord I will always have Locke with us to guide us and strengthen us and that is all I need to know right now. I also know that Heavenly Father answers prayers. From the very beginning my prayer was that we would be able to meet him. It was everyone's prayers. After he was born I let myself question why we only got him for so short of a time. Why couldn't he have stayed just a little longer were the thoughts running in my mind. I said this to Matthew and he said something that instantly rang true in my heart. He said that he believed without a doubt that Lockes mission didn't involve being born alive. That his birth was a direct effect of everyones prayers. Heavenly Father answered our prayers to be able to meet him because he knew how important it was to us. Like I said heavenly Father answers our prayers. I know this.

The funeral was beautiful. I had been dreading it for so long but it brought me peace. It brought me joy that other people were able to get a glimpse of how amazing our son was. We had a service in St. George and then one in Raymond where he was buried next to my cousin Paul who died when he was eight. I've said before what a missionary and a strength Locke has been for so many people and this was one more way he could share the gospel and teach them the importance of eternal families and how important it is to stay strong and immovable because in the end, nothing else is worth it. Matthew carried his little coffin by himself and although it broke my heart, I also knew that it was so important for Matthew to do everything he could as a father for his son. He also climbed into his grave and lowered him in himself positioning him just so as only a father could. We have been strengthened in more ways then we can count and we will forever be humbled. Lockes story will never be over. There isn't a conclusion here. He has changed me forever and I wouldn't take it back for anything. If we are all a little kinder a little softer and little more humble then Lockes work will always go on and I will always be the proud mother of a perfect baby boy named Locke.

My pictures were taken by amazing photographer named Noelle. She was part of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep that actually come in and take photos for families like ours that do not have much time. She gave me such a priceless gift and I will forever be in her debt. These are actually just a few we haven't got the actual cd with all of them but I cherish every picture.

My sister in law Gina wrote and composed a song on her guitar soon after we found out about Locke that is amazing. She played and sang it at the service in St. George and my sisters Ivy and Chloe and Matthews sister Ahlin sang it at the one in Raymond because Gina had to go back to school. They all did an amazing job. I have yet to listen to it without tearing up. It is raw and full of truth and I love it.It needs all the rest of my pictures once I get them so this will do for now. This is Gina singing have a listen.

2011-01-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

Introducing Locke William Arrington

4 pounds 10 ounces

seventeen and a half inches

Came to our family January 25th 10:10pm. Went back to his Father in Heaven a few beautiful minutes later.

Our Perfect, precious, piece of Heaven forever in our hearts..

Families are Forever

I will carry you

2011-01-15T20:39:00.000-08:00

It's sort of an outer body experience for someone to sit across from you in a doctors office and give you a date, an actual date, when you will experience the purest form of joy that I know of, meeting your fresh from heaven baby for the first time, and then saying goodbye. January 25th is the day that I have been preparing for several months now. My brother Will reminded me that Heavenly Father has been preparing Matthew and I for this day our whole lives. Even in the pre-existence. That concept strengthens me. I have to keep telling myself that I agreed to this. That when Heavenly Father told us that he would need some of his most valiant back very soon because he needed them more on the other side to help with the work, I stood up. I stood up and I told him that I will just hold him for a little while and then I will let him go back where he is needed most.  I have to wonder because Me, Jade, the mother that wouldn't dream of letting Laken go to pre-school and am still debating how necessary kindergarten is because the thought of her away from me stresses me right out, would offer such a thing. This is when I do a little self talk and tell myself over and over that I'm stronger then I know. This is also what I do every night in my prayers. Plead. Plead as long and as desperately as I can to have the comforter with me . I know I cannot do this alone.

What I also cannot do is analyze all day long. My head is full of What Ifs. What if I have complications during labor, what if I go into labor early before all the family gets here, what if he doesn't make it through labor. What if there is a miracle and although it won't be the miracle of life, what if he will stay will us just a little while. What if we get to take him home for a moment, what if.... I read a story of a girl who had a similar experience who said that was one of her biggest regrets. Trying to control what wasn't hers to control. So I take a deep breath and I force myself to focus on small things that can be controlled. Like the receiving blanket I am making him. Or the outfit I want him to wear in the hospital. Or my plan of begging the nurse not to make me have an IV so I don't have to be any more swollen then I already am! It's not a cure but maybe a quick fix for some sanity.

What has been the most humbling these last few weeks is the amazing amount of people I am informed of that are praying for our family. My mom is constantly telling me of people who approach her with heartfelt concern and tell of their prayers and thoughts for me. People offering their homes for family to stay in. My amazing friends here in St. George threw me a beautiful party with the theme SPARKLE because that is what they think when they think of me. I couldn't think of a better compliment! The party also had a fair amount of zebra print through it (they know me too well). They showered me with love and AMAZING gifts and I was touched. Along with not trying to control everything I think Heavenly Father has also taught me a valuable lesson on letting people serve you. I sort of panicked in the past at the thought of putting people out but I have had to let go of that and all I can think of is the day when I can return some kindness and love to someone in need. I have to find good through this. It would be easy to go through this whole experience with nothing but heart break and bitterness. There is both of those things in my life but what a waste it would be if that was all I could find. I want there to be another way to learn some of the things I'm learning but this is My Life, this makes me who I am, it's My Story.

The other day I was talking to a close friend on the phone and was emotional and Laken kept coming in and bringing me Kleenex quietly. When I got off the phone She handed me a piece of paper folded into a tiny square. I opened it up and this is what it said.

Dear Mom

I love you. I really want to say, that I just didn't want to explain cause I was too embarrassed. I just wanted to say that It will be OK if Locke dies because he will still be with us because even if he's not here he's still here with us in our hearts. Now I have to go and then maybe I can see you another time. It was really fun to talk.

Matthew said she came up to him and said that she wanted to write me a letter but her letters were too big to write so many and she had too many words to write them all herself. So Matthew wrote down exactly what she said. It is so precious to me and such a testimony that the Lord is preparing Laken just like he is preparing Matthew and I. She is four years old and so wise beyond her years. What a blessing my kids have been through this. They remind me every day why life is still good. I know that on Lockes birthday every year I will see kids his age and wonder what he would have been like. I don't think Track looks like Matthews baby pictures and I wonder if Locke would have looked more like him? I wonder if Track and him would have been best friends. I remember when I first found out it was a boy, before I knew everything was wrong, Matthew had been convinced it was a girl. He called both Laken and Tracks genders the day I found out I was pregnant with them and let me buy girl and then boy clothes long before we officially found out. He says it's a gift he has:) With this one he had a dream that we had a beautiful healthy baby girl with lots of dark hair so right from the get go he called it a she.I had been worried right from the beginning that something wasn't right. Matthew felt it to but then had that dream and felt a lot better. I think maybe that was a tender mercy from the Lord letting us know that there was still children that were going to come to our family. Anyways, when the ultra sound tech said it was a boy Matthew was in pure shock. The tech walked out of the room for a second as soon as she told us and Matthew looked at me and said no, she's wrong, that's clearly HER umbilical cord. I burst out laughing. My first thought was I pictured two tall blonde boys who were handsome and athletic and all the girls would want to date the Arrington brothers....but their mom wouldn't let them get near. Locke will be rooting for us on the other side. What a high bar he has set for our family. We have to be worthy to make it back to live with him and our Father in Heaven again. My kids are going to grow up knowing they have a brother looking down on them making sure they are valiant and not getting sidetracked by the worldly things in this life. Compared to being able to see him again what on this earth could possibly make it worth it to get in our way? Like I said, the bar is set high.

This song was written by a couple that lost their baby girl shortly after birth. Her husband is in this band that sung it. I can't listen to it without completely losing it, it makes me ache. The lyrics are beautiful though,they are too close to home but they touch my heart. 

My sister in law Gina snapped a couple pictures one Sunday afternoon. Eight months pregnant is not my best look. But they are precious because they represent our sweet baby Locke William who we cherish already with all our hearts. We Will carry him all our lives. He will be our perfect bright spot in Heaven who taught us so much in such a short amount of time. I write this and still have no idea how I will actually get through this. How will I live through January 25th without shattering into a million pieces? I am small and weak but through the Lord I know I will find my strength.

NBD..

2010-12-04T14:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know if anyone remembers the role Santa Clause has played in our house thus far but if you forgot go HERE for a recap.Well, I am proud to present this fine picture taken only last night (okay actually it's not her best angle but I felt dumb to ask to snap another)

She talked about it all week again and had decided she would get close enough to get the treat bag but that's all! Then she made me stand with her the whole way in line and when it got to her turn I just kind of picked her up and set her down on his lap. Her hands were shaking and her voice was shaking but mission accomplished. I like to think of it as one of those times when the parent pushes the child to do something hard (because they are all wise and knowing) and it turns out to be a real growing experience the child talks about for years to come. The only part I sucked at was getting a picture with Track. In my defense he only liked to walk by him and if Santa would put out his hand he would shove it away and say NO. Next year mark my words I am getting a picture with Santa with BOTH my kids sitting on his lap if it's the last thing I do.

2010-12-03T13:01:00.000-08:00

HUH...so now what? I think I say this to myself a hundred times a day. I've turned into somewhat of a junkie in the aspect that I am constantly finding things and ways to find a little pleasure and a little distraction, even if it's just for a minute. Good eats can keep you pretty numb for a while as well as a good movie and always a little retail therapy can give you a high like none other. But as soon as the moment is past, and the anticipation is over to whatever you were doing, then I am left with just myself again and that can be incredibly scary. I think everyone does this to a certain extent. When you are procrastinating something you don't want to do so you keep finding things and people to distract you. Or when your house is a wreck and you keep telling yourself as soon as this show is over you are going to get up and get something done..thirty times. I really think you have to know yourself well and be comfortable in your own skin to be able to just be with yourself and be content without any other distractions and people around you. It's a horrible feeling to not feel like you can be alone in your thoughts but right now I am petrified of mine. They give me night mares and they keep a constant pit in my stomach and I find myself becoming more desperate for little fractions of relief in whatever form just to keep me sane. Bless poor Matthews heart because I am constantly ordering us to go out and do random things at random times. Luckily he knows me well enough not to try and figure out my brain and not to try and fix it, just go with it:)
   Tatum sent me a book about a girl who went through a similar experience and at about chapter four I threw it at the wall as hard as I could. It was too real and it spelled out for me in little black letters everything I am trying not to focus on and everything that keeps me up at night. After I threw it at the wall I called Tatum and said thanks for being so darn thoughtful I'm running into walls because my eyes are too swollen shut from tears to see where I'm going! Then we laughed, then we cried. In the part that I read she talks about the sacred dance between grief and joy. I look at my life and see SO much joy and SO many blessing and SO many miracles and SO much to be grateful for and yet my heart is broken so how do I make both fit? It is a sacred dance, and it is exhausting. I have never had to have so much faith in my entire life and having faith and hope is All I can do. I can't make it right no matter how I try to spin it so I have to be able to give it all over to the Lord and pray with every fiber in my being that He can make it right, and I know He can. Not the right I want it to be the the right it is suppose to be.
   I realize my posts have turned into a mumble jumble of my thoughts all randomly smashed together but sometimes blogging is therapy to get it all out of my head so you are going to have to bare with me. I do realize that most of my thoughts don't warrant a response, just a listening ear. I'm really trying to stay current with my feelings because my first reaction is to bury them. When a painful thought enters my head my first instinct is to push it out as quick as I can. The only problem is most of my painful thoughts involve my perfect sweet baby boy so the thought that I am constantly keeping him out of my head is heartbreaking. I am paralyzed at the thought that I am going to look back and have regrets. Once it's over, it's over and I won't be able to change anything. So finding the balance of keeping him part of our life and not being in tears 24/7 has been all encompassing. In public I do better. When I get comments and questions about when I am due or what I am having I can summon a sweet smile and answer as quickly as possible while feeling like there is a knife in my heart. In the dumb book she tells how if anyone, stranger or not asks her a question about her pregnancy she would tell her story. I wish I was that brave. My short form answers take every bit of courage I have. It's all about baby steps I guess. Laken is good about talking about him and so I try and engage with her about him whenever she needs. She'll say when our baby brother Locke comes we will only get to keep him for a little while before he goes back to heaven so I want to hold him a lot okay mom?!? Then I say okay as enthusiastically as I can and slip into the bathroom and throw cold water on my face until I can catch my breath. I worry about her a lot. But it came to me that she has the same comforter and the same spirit as we have and Heavenly Father will bless her and keep her little heart as protected as possible. I thought about bringing a puppy home from the hospital and try to convince her that's what was in my tummy but I'm afraid she's too darn smart. Every day warrants new mountains to climb and new tender mercies from the Lord. I am so appreciative to ALL your gestures of love and concern. I feel overwhelmed at the outpouring of love for me and my family.I know I haven't personally responded to all the kind thoughts because to be honest it would be overwhelming. But they have been read many times in my different hours of need. It's much more hurtful to feel alienated or avoided because someone doesn't know what to say. There is nothing to say that can change anything trust me I know that. But I can feel support and I thank everyone because I have felt plenty of that.
  Life is precious and life is beautiful. In the conference edition of the Ensign Elder Christofferson said this. In this fallen world, some lives will be be brief, some bodies will be malformed, broken, or barely adequate to maintain life; yet life will be long enough for each spirit, and each body will qualify for resurrection.
I cannot count how my times I have read those sentences, Especially the last one.

I have been terrriable about pictures lately. Like seriously my brain doesn't even go there. Let's hope the children didn't change much these last few months because it was not documented. A while ago we snapped a couple shots while we were on a walk. Posts are lame without pictures especially slightly depressing ones so here's a little visual aid.

This is what I do to Track all day long. Shove food in his face. Only appropriate it was captured.

Loves his daddy

Sweet little Lake

It's just me

2010-11-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

So I've been trying to blog for quite a while now but every time I sit down to write something I find myself going back and reading old blog posts of mine and then getting up and walking away. I realized that I am quite drawn to the past these days. It seems like a different life all together in a lot of ways. Every memory or event we have had lately I subconsciously categorize in the pre- Locke news or the post Locke news. It's amazing what perspective you can gain in a very small amount of time. I told Matthew the other day I feel like I am climbing Mount Everest. I have my backpack on and it's filled with all the supplies I need to make it to the top. I am as prepared as I know how to be but I still have to climb it. I still have to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking and it's exhausting. I don't think it will always feel like this I know looking back I will realize how much I was actually carried up that mountain but for now I still can't quite get enough breath in.
A couple months ago I asked my mom if she felt a significant difference having a son in the mission field. She said she did and then named a few reasons. I said that although it is cool, and I look forward to getting his letters, and I like how Laken is always talking about her uncle who is teaching people about Jesus, I don't really feel any different. I take that back now. The Lord is definitely using Will as a tool for comfort and strength for our family right now. It is absolutely amazing to me how week after week of hearing Will's letters he tells me exactly what I need to hear that day without me ever telling him what was on my mind. I had been struggling particularly much the last week trying to make some decisions and just feeling so incredibly exposed to every gut wrenching feeling my heart could take and I remember constantly asking Heavenly Father what else I needed to be doing because I could not find the comfort I desperately needed. In my mind I was doing something wrong or I wasn't doing enough for me to feel like this and then I got a letter from Will. He said in it after his first transfer he was dropped to his knees in sheer desperation looking for some comfort and he didn't get it for a long time. His answer for this was they weren't working hard enough as missionaries they needed to work harder. He then said how far from the truth that was. Even though he was trying his best God let him suffer. He said we can't ever let the doubt come in that God doesn't love us or care about us if we are doing everything we can we just have to have faith that things will happen on his time. He went onto say more but that concept brought a lot of comfort to me because I am doing everything I can to be valiant and be faithful and I have to have HOPE and FAITH that the Lord will carry me when I cannot take another step.
I feel so out of my comfort zone to share my personal feelings and struggles on here like this. Up to this point this blog has defiantly had a sarcastic vibe with a side of humor. But if anything I can say or do can give someone else comfort or the perspective they need for their trials, then at least my suffering won't be in vain because I have helped someone else and that, that gives me comfort. I'm not saying I am going to turn into a philosopher or anything I don't think you could beat the sarcasm out of me. But when my heart is full I will share it the best I can. I still can't quite get a grip that this is my life my reality. I still feel at times that I am looking from above at someone elses life when I say certain things that feel so foreign and disturbing coming out of my mouth. Things that a mother should never have to say when she talks about her unborn baby. My road is still very long and actually will never end. But it will get easier that much I know.
Tatum told me to go read this talk. Ever since he gave it It has been one of my very favorites but I needed it today especially and maybe someone else does to.
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On a completely different note how cute are these THREE?!?! My source for all things Good in my Life. Will ended his letter by saying I have more reasons to smile then to frown and I have more good things in my life then bad. Always remember your Heavenly Father loves you. I thought he was pretty bold to say I have more things to smile about then to frown but I when I look at these faces, he's right..

Happy Birthday Jade :)

2010-10-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

Ok...first off, this isn't Jade speaking...this is her wonderful husband Matthew I'm sure she's written so much about. It's early in the morning, but I thought I'd Shanghai the blog real quick to let you all know it's Jade's birthday. If we can't be happy at the little things at life, what can we be happy about? It just so happens that Jade has the good fortune of having her birthday fall on General Conference this year, so I thought I'd do a lil' something different today for her birthday.

So to get this online 'party' started, I thought I'd let you know a few of the reasons I love Jade

1. Food. They say food is the key to a mans heart but its probably the key to my soul. There's nothing better than coming home to a nice, hot meal, and Jade is an excellent cook.

2. You're so generous to others and its very natural and easy for you to be friends with others. People are naturally drawn to you because you make them feel special just by being around you.

3. You have an amazing testimony. It makes it just that much easier to teach our kids gospel principles and be an awesome example.

4. It makes me laff how ewe sumtimes mizpellll theengs on ur blog. (I don't condone NOT capitalizing the "i")

5. You're an amazing Mom! Our kids know that they can come to you for support and comfort and you can give it to them, AND some.

6. You're beautiful. Physically attractive, gorgeous, hot, smokin', dazzling, alluring, ravishing, elegant, radiant, foxy, exquisite, fair, delicate, charming, shapely, statuesque, & even pulchritudinous. (Yes, its really a word, look it up).

7. Hearing you laugh makes angels embarrassed. You want to know why I'm so cheesy with my jokes and everything? I'm addicted to hearing you laugh. Can't get enough of it.

Those are just a few of the reasons I love Jade Ashley.

And if you EVER think that I don't love you....remember, I took you to an Enrique Iglesias concert.

Honey, just wanted to let you know that it's an absolute honor to be your husband. You give me strength from places I never imagined. I love you always and will be forever in your debt for marrying me, and giving me the wonderful children that God has blessed us with.

Yours forever,

Matthew Lane

p.s. I looked all over trying to find a flower shop with hollyhocks and no one had them. I know they're your favorite, so here is me handing you a online bouquet.

2010-09-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

This is my baby boy Locke William Arrington

I am 21 weeks along. Last week, after many tests, my baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, a rare chromosome condition which severely effects the baby. Babies with this condition have a very low birth weight, they have severe problems with their heart, as well as how their esophagus connects to the stomach, and other abnormalities of the organs. 1 in 5000 babies are born with this 80% of them being females. It is not genetic except in very rare cases. Due to the presence of several life-threatening medical problems, many infants with trisomy 18 die within their first month and mostly days. Only 30 percent of children with this condition go full term. Of those that go full term, half are stillborn. And finally, of those born alive, only 5 percent live to their first year. (I had to copy and paste that because my fingers couldn't physically write it).

I have been trying to work up the courage and strength it was going to take me to do this post. I'm two minutes in and already my tears are flowing. There is nothing that can prepare you to hear news like this. It was like everything I knew and everything I had planned came crashing down around me almost in slow motion. I couldn't fully comprehend what was going on around me and what people were saying to me. I literally felt like for days and days I couldn't catch my breath I could never get enough air, I guess in some ways, I still feel like that. Once the initial shock set in my thoughts obsessed over and over about haunting questions. How to I keep functioning through this pregnancy knowing what I have to go through at the end? How can I ever say goodbye to my baby? How can I leave the hospital without my baby? How do I plan a funeral for my baby? How do I pick up the pieces after and keep living? They tore at my heart and left me broken. I still don't have the answers to really any of these questions. All I know is that I am not alone. Through my faith in the Lord and in Jesus Christ I will be able to do anything even though right now it feels impossible. I am filled with gratitude and love for my family and friends that have helped carry our burdens. Because of the many prayers and much fasting done in our behalf I know that our family will make it through this. My mom and sister flew in on a moments notice and are here for two weeks to cry with me and to lift my spirits. My husband is my rock. He is strong and immovable and I admire his deep sense of faith and understanding of the gospel and of the plan of salvation. My brother Will who is on his mission wrote me a beautiful letter that I have got much strength from. Here is a little part of it

Heavenly Father is watching this particular plan play out very carefully. As your family grows and you get to meet your wonderful new son heavenly Father will be closer then ever. Your family is eternal, your son will not be gone. It is hard that he has been called to work on the other side of the veil but he'll still be with. he will be in your presence. And the time will come when we all be together again. I certainly will meet him and have no intentions of not being with him in the celestial kingdom. He is one of the most righteous servants God has. he has walked among prophets and will continue to do so. the honor you have to be his mother and to be sealed to him for all eternity should not be muffled by thoughts like, leaving the hospital without him or having to plan his funeral. By all means morn, ill be morning with you. Ive been crying all morning and my socks are filled with snot cause i had nowhere else to wipe it. but those thoughts diminish the sacredness of the calling you have received and make your eternal family seem less real, less united. you are together now and will be forever.

I do feel honored that he chose me to his mom and to come to our family. I told Matthew that a couple days ago I felt like a coating was poured over my body and although I do not feel peace, I do feel like I am being strengthened to focus on the big picture. I know that it is the Lord's hand doing that for me. One day at a time and sometimes it's one hour at a time we will get through this. I want his life to be remembered with as much joy as possible. He is alive right now I can feel him inside of me and his sweet spirit. He is such an amazing blessing to our family already and I know that one day I will get to raise him. Although at times I want to scream at the top of my lungs, let me raise him now please let me keep him!!, Heavenly Father has bigger plans for my sweet boy Locke. It is so not my personality to name my babies before the hospital but I wanted him to feel part of our family for as long as possible.

Now that my shirt is drenched and I have gone through a box of Kleenex I think I will go cuddle with my babies. They are what keep me from being in the fetal position in my bed all day long. I can see in Lakens eyes her longing to feel like things are normal again and I will do it for her and Track no matter what. I want to say one more time how grateful I am for the fasting and prayers on our behalf; you will never know how much they have helped. Many people have asked what to pray for and I think if there is one thing that sticks out in my mind is my overwhelming desire to meet him and tell him how much I love him and how grateful I am that he is part of our family, even if only for a very little while. I know whatever the Lords plan is will be but one can pray...

Hard Core

2010-09-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Okay so over the summer Laken acquired a new "talent". She probably sits me down three times a day to sing me her new songs that she "writes". She's dead serious about them you cannot crack a smile. Here's a little insight into the mind of Laken Arrington.

I know I know she comes by it honestly. But you should all be jealous you don't get her as your own personal sidekick, it's gets rather entertaining...
(If her pajamas look two sizes too small it's because they are)

Like how Holy Spirit always seems to work it's way into every song! What would we do without her?!?

check check....is this thing on?

2010-09-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

What, don't look at me like that! You're acting like I just took 1st place as flakey mother of the year that likes to randomly fall off the face of the earth for months at a time for no apparent reason. BUT, that is where you would be wrong. I have a very legit reason for neglecting my one form of family documentation for extended periods of time. Duh, my three week visit to Canada turned into a two and a half month visit obviously... surprised you didn't know that. So I clearly am only in like 3rd place for flaky mother of the year and I can live with that. I also don't want any snide comments like "don't they have computers is Canada?" said in kind of a high pitched voice oozing with sarcasm or "last family trip we took I blogged everyday so as not to get behind" said very matter of factly because you probably also update your facebook status every hour as well and there's a special place for your type that I have no interest in.

I must admit however that I am slightly overwhelmed at the amount of photos I'm sorting through so I think the best way to get through these is to just break it down. So here are 10 Fun events/thought it was a cute picture of our summer in Canada

We went to my friend Lindsay Petersons farm in Welling which was a good financial move on our part because they pretty much thought they were in Disney Land the most magical place on earth so I think I'm going to really fuel that fire and every time the word Disney Land gets brought up I'm going to yell YES lets go to the Farm!!!!

We went on a little family canoe ride. I guess it's been a while since I've been in a canoe because I found it terrifying!!! Every tiny movement felt like the whole boat was going to flip..Matthew didn't call me a spaz or baby or dramatic drama queen every time I screamed or shuttered or clutched the children dramatically the whole leisurely ride..

Bridge Reunion 2010! So So much fun!!!!

Mia and Laken we're besties the whole week

I always talk about how amazing my niece Aspen is but she really is dreamy...don't look at Jessie he'll ruin for you..

Beckham and Track we're either hugging or attacking each other the WHOLE summer it was great

I kid you not Johnny slept like this for hours I almost teared up it looked so painful his feet are dangling!!!

I asked them what they we're doing and they said they need some sun

Mia made a club called "The Mia Club" she proceeded to write her name all over them in black marker..it the best

Jamie made the BEST doughnuts I have EVER tasted

A lot of casual leisure time

Poor tired boy this was in the middle of a game where everyone was yelling

This slide was the most entertaining thing I have watched in quite some time

Fudge..

I thought Tatum would want to frame this or something

Um, not 1 not 2 not 3 or 4 times did Matthew go down the slide on his feet for me to capture the "perfect shot" seriously it's rather endearing

Parades!

Of course there were several trips to Waterton the most beautiful place on earth

Okay so actually what I meant by the top ten events was as many as I just did and then a whole bunch more smashed together that don't have a category other than I liked the picture. I doubt I'm even going to put captions under them because if I have to do this for ten more seconds I will never blog again as long as I live. Everything is chaotic and scrambled and I'm really not proud but, who the heck am I making excuses to anyways? You see I'm losing my mind! Besides, I won 3rd place for flakey mother blogger so it's to be expected!

Tatum wins the prize for the most beautiful/delicious fruit pizza

We went to Arco Idaho to visit family but Laken went especially to see her favorite Idaho cousin Makylee

I think they're going to love these when they're older don't you think?

Grandpa of the year

Fancy a Fish?

2010-06-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

What to do on a beautiful Friday night when:
A- You've spent the date night budget long ago
B-Your one and only babysitter (grandma) is out of town
C-Even if you had both the first two resources the thought of showering and getting ready for a date would make no amount of good food and kid free conversation worth it?

The answer is quite simple if you live in beautiful southern Utah
You fish
In too small of pajamas and fuzzy hair.
Okay so I'm not going to lie it got pretty old in about twenty minutes. So the REAL question is what do you do AFTER you go fishing?
And get your too small of pajamas filthy
Simple- You bribe your kids to swim in the freezing cold lake purely for your own entertainment (Track thought the idea sucked)
Laken gearing up for the bills (she'll do anything for money)
She decided she didn't want to put her head under but she would reach down and grab a rock. Seriously such entrainment from my end.
Beaming with pride. This was a little bit of her Canadian blood shining through. Up next, Glacier Lake in Waterton. We're gearing up for a full immersion victory! Okay so Laken will actually do anything for money and also "little girl doughnuts" takes after her mother that one
Soo beats the movies..

K fine whatever

2010-05-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

So the Readers Digest version of the story is we wanted to go on a picnic Saturday afternoon. So we went to the store got all the stuff and headed over to our favorite park. When we got there there was some kind of Mexican fiesta going on and the place was packed. So Matthew threw a ball baby fit and wanted to go to another park that was Clear across town in the opposite direction. So then I threw a bigger ball baby fit and wanted to stay at the park we were at. Well, surprise surprise (no really I usually get my way) we left that park to go find a "less crowded park" and 15 minutes later we pulled up to this.

At first I was so happy and totally gloating saying Ha you Lame-O this park is a million times worse this is why we always listen to me!But then, once we started walking around it was actually pretty sweet. Bio Life a plasma center was putting on a free Luau for the public that we happened upon and actually, I have to admit was pretty fun.
So moral of the story was Matthew was right but he spent the remainder of the evening telling me why I needed to trust him more and that he had a 'hunch" this park was going to be better blah blah blah. Well he got lucky is what happened. But since I'm not stubborn or prideful I can say we all got lucky. Are you happy Matthew.

I'm undecided how I feel about boys in tank tops. He's pulling it off right?
Who doesn't love a little face painting?!?
Oh please don't even give me that look! I saw who dropped it like twenty five seconds before and they seemed like very nice clean people?
Our friendly friends the Stubbs called us to go to dinner and we were like um hellooo there's some freee semi eatable food at the park for FREE so come get it while it's still cold!
Sister Love
Lake and her gal pal Avery
Does this thing look life threatening to anyone? Is there any hidden daggers poking out of it that I'm unaware of? Well, according to Laken it was the most terrifying thing she has ever laid eyes on. I'm talking glazed over eyes the size of bowling bowls and uncontrollable gasps and moans I had no idea she was even capable of making if this yellow dome thing came within 100 yards. I'm not going to lie it was pretty funny. At one point she actually shimmied up Ellen like a monkey in no more then five seconds flat when she caught sight of it across the way.
This is after Matthew had talked her down for about ten minutes. She actually looks happy in this picture compared to when she first saw it. Again, quite funny.
Every person needs an Ellen around. She came down for the weekend and was the handiest thing to have around. Besides the fact that the kids are obsessed with her she makes for some good company.
The girls learned a Hawaiian dance at one booth and I swear it was everything Matthew could do not to join in...aw that's why we love him
Now everyone go donate some plasma.

Baby WHAT ?!?!?

2010-05-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

Happy
Hungry
Happy
Hungry
Happy
Hungry
Happy
hungry

I have weighed the pros and cons five times five thousand and am at a stand still. I'm a freak, I know.

EH?

2010-05-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a point form story of my day(Point form usually proves to keep people from skimming)

-So I've lived away from my Canadian Prairie home and family for about 8 years now
-These has been very challenging/"get to know myself better" years
-I do not know if you know this about me but I tend to me a little dramatic and come by it honestly so you can imagine goodbyes as a lot of tears followed by blubbering followed by a small amount of hyperventilation followed by 3 solid days of what's the point of living goodbyes
-I am proud to say I have toned it back a little in recent years and can actually function usually within oh, I don't know 24 hours of the initial goodbye
-As a whole I've got a sweet little set up here with my little family in St. George but sometimes, every once in a while, I will be talking to Tatum or my mom and they will say something casual and not out of the ordinary like "were walking over to Chloes game" or "Mom just called me to come for dinner" and all of a sudden it will hit me and before I know it I am looking for a paper bag to breath in.
-Well, today was one of those days. I was talking to my mom this morning and she told me her and Tatum and and the girls were going on a spontaneous shopping trip to Calgary. Kill-Me-Now. Before I knew it I was pacing the room (not a good sign). So what do you think I did? Duh, loaded up the kids in about thirty seconds and went to the local wild life museum full of stuffed dead animals that's overpriced and somewhat boring that's what! I realize a spa would have worked soo much better but this is the real world and in the real world you have 2 children and a wild life museum at your disposal if you need to blow off steam. Surprisingly, it did the trick.
-So, for all those people out there who may have a small problem with living far far away from loved ones, don't sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself get in the car and drive until you find a place that numbs the pain....or keeps you distracted by the sheer amount of dead animals in one room
-The End

We kidnapped Matthew from work after for some lunch. Take note at the amount of food on the table. I gained three pounds before I walked out the door I do not tell a lie.

And that's a wrap

2010-05-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

This Pretty Lady Graduated!!

She is most def one of my Top 5 favorite people!

We loovvee you Nicole!

Did I mention she's single...for all those many single men who read my blog...
By far the most exciting part of the day was getting to see Sean Connery in person! Apparently he's really into UVU graduations who knew!
Corrine and Dave
Mark and Laura

It's all fun and games with Aunt Ahlin
If you just muttered sheesh, that child needs a haircut I already noted it so you're not as smart as you think you are !
I've often thought Niki and Matthew make a cuter couple then us(looks wise). That might be a little creepy but now you know how my mind works so feel sorry for me
Laken was sooo into the girl power shots
The 3 siblings. Matthew Niki Kendall
I think she makes their Top 5 as well
Another one because we make for cute photos

Vitamin C

2010-04-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

WOW, what a weekend. A very good/very busy weekend.

I'm usually very selective when it comes to picking pictures for any particular event due to the fact that I have some irrational thought going over and over in my mind saying not to "overdue it". But that takes more brain power and sometimes more time and since I have neither one of those things right now you get everything.

It was Miss Elles graduation from the LDS Business College in Salt Lake so we took a jont down for the festivities. Tatum and my mom met us and good times were had by all.

I mean, look at Track he cannot get over the craziness of this weekend

Poor girl banished to the floor
Laken trying out her photography skills
There is something about sleeping in a hotel that gets children to a whole new level of hyperness and me to a whole new level of I want to hurt all of you nessAspen is hands down the most beautiful baby I know and I thank the stars everyday that Track is not a girl because let's be honest, who would want to compete with this?

Track's new smile...I guess makes me smile?
Pros-Beckham doesn't get everything he looks at let alone touches on every square inch of his body five minutes before graduation
Cons-We look like freaks in restraunts
I've thought of kidnapping her on more then one occasion
Heading over to the ceremony from breakfast...we we're nothing short of a small parade
The whole Family out for the event.

Graduation is overrated..
We stayed at my Aunt Tonia and Uncle Mikes house in Syracuse.
No, there was not a wedding or exceptionally large event going on or a photo shoot with Martha Stewert at her house..why to you ask
Were a big fan of lounging
My Aunt Tonia has fabulous taste and truly a vision for all things beautiful.Her table is just her normal everyday centerpiece that she "threw together' one day. I bow to her often.
If I was a selfless parent I would buy my overly obsessed son a dog. I'm actually quite a self absorbed parent so I guess that won't be happening anytime soon..but I did love Lola
Track loved Bracken and Bracken loved Track especially when he ripped every toy possible out of his hands and then said Tank Too very sweetly. Track is a heathen but that's another post.
I loved sharing a bed with these three..
Alexa and Madi (not pictured) win the award for the Best Babysitters EVER!
Sunshine makes Track an Asian wannabe
Honestly there are no words
Laken is very good at rounding up the troops
25. Twenty Five pictures I have of this exact seen and this my friends is as good as gets. I am proud to admit that it was my children that wrecked every-single-picture.

Oh ya. This is all all the great grandkids of my grandma and grandpa Jardine
Laken and Mikylie are besties. Honestly they played straight for three days without one pinch of drama. They are two months apart and quite possibly the cutest girls I know.
Had to have a cousins picture. I realize I'm not good at explaining who people are in my pics so from left to right-My sister Tatum (mother of Beckham and Aspen), sister Ellen, cousin Sara, Me, Cousin Malia (mother of Bracky and Ki Ki)
That, in a non organizational random way wraps up this weekend. There are very few things better in life then good food good friends and good shopping all in one place
On another note.Today is Lakens last day of being 3. It's a good thing I'm really sick of blogging right now because I could start a small tangent. But I will say that this little girl is my absolute everything..

Call me Ishmael

2010-03-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

What would you do if you were a one year old boy named Track whose sister and dad ditched him and his mom so there was nothing better to do on a beautiful evening then to wonder around the yard at your own leisure while your mom followed you around yelling "look there's a dog" so you would look up...even though there never ONCE was a dog.

Well that's a given
Slightly defeated..
Who wouldn't want him for a visitor?! (P.S the best part of these pictures are the too small of pajamas)
It's all fun and games around here
I think it is in every boys genetic code to find a stick within three minutes of being outside
A little rock throwing onto the grass never hurt anyone

I think this boy definitely made the most out of a dull situation. It's the adventurer in him I think

2010-02-26T13:12:00.000-08:00

WOW!
What a crazy few weeks we have had! I mean I would have loved to have been blogging but it was pretty hard when we had SO many other things to be doing. I'll try to catch you up on our crazy/super exciting life but it's just not the same as if you were actually there for all this. Just don't be jealous I'm sure your life is pretty cool too..

First of all we practiced A LOT of attitude. I think she has almost got it mastered I'm really proud of her!

Track met his best friend in the WHOLE world. They've been inseparable ever since!
Who doesn't love H&M men?!?
Love me some Vegas
Now this, this is fun. We've actually done this on several occasions and I got to tell ya it's more fun then it looks
Park days are pretty sweet
Waiting for dad...
We call him freakishly strong can hang for large amounts of time boy for short
It is never too early to learn the golden rule-moisturize moisturize moisturize!
I call this the "babysitter"
Getting into more crap..
Who doesn't enjoy a little young mens b-ball in their spare time?..not like we have any time

I think they were watching Gone With The Wind
And a LOT of these. It just never gets old does it..( the eggo box is a nice touch)

As you can see we have been doing a Ton! Between baths and movies and baths...ya well you get the point.

2010-01-27T13:26:00.000-08:00

Nothing like a short stroll in the rain don't you think?

Entertainment Tonight

2009-12-19T19:44:00.000-08:00

Sooo Laken had her First dance recital. I was a little worried when I turn around while we were driving to the rehersal for all of five minutes to this...911!
But, she perked right up thank the maker.

She was a little humiliated the way Track behaved she told me after...
And show time

Okay so I didn't secure the antlers good enough I'm a first time dance recitalist mother what do you expect! This was in dress rehersal anyway I super glued them to her head for the real deal.
Future backup dancers for Britney Spears children.
It was right after this that she said "mom, I just love the stage!" I do not lie.
We were so the classic first time "my child is in a production other then the primary presentation and we are going to document every-last-morsel of it" parents. Matthew had the camera and I had Track on my hip and the video camera in the other hand and together we ducked back and forth past the stage snapping away and zooming in and out as if she was on broadway. I don't regret it we got good footage/pictures mission accomplished.
After the show we decided to celebrate with dinner and a movie
The pizza was sort of pricey but anything for our little star.
Track ate so much he had to lay down a while
This is the side of show biz they don't show you. All that glitz and glam leads to THIS the next morning. I let out an involuntary gasp when Laken crawled in our bed Saturday morning with mascara smeared under her eyes. Sick and Wrong.

2009-12-16T07:59:00.000-08:00

This my friends, is as good as it gets...

Smash Up...you know that's really popular these days

2009-12-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

So my FamDamily came to stay and I'm not going to lie we're not that good at taking pictures. Jacklyn made sure that I was Very aware of that the other day and I thank her for that. So it's all a little random with not a lot of rhyme or reason but it's better then nothing. The biggest tragedy is that I had 1 One picture of Aspen! That baby is nothing but pure pure heaven with the most beautiful face to ever be born I tell you!

The only thing I can say (because I don't feel like commenting on all of them) is that 4 kids is CCCCCRAZY!!! Every store we went to was a complete gong show, entertaining/humiliating! Either Beckham was attacking Track, Track was smothering Aspen with "kisses" or Laken was tattling on someone the entire time! We pretty much gave up about the second day and let everyone fend for themselves and relished in the caos. We did however get a fair amount of shopping accomplished seeing how Tatum and my mom both bought two extra bags just to be able to take all the stuff they bought home. Anywho I really don't know why I'm trying to smash this all into one post but just go with it.
Matthew said it would probably take an hour to set up the tree..this picture was probably taken about hour 3 but hey, who's counting?
Give Laken a prop of any kind and she'll find a way to work it
I'm pretty hard core
Not quite finished, still needed a tree skirt among other things but I'm kind of over it..is that bad?!?
Here's a small non-fictional story. Once there was a little girl named Laken who agonized for an entire week if she was going to sit on Santa's lap at the Christmas party. When she arrived, things were looking hopeful. All her cute friends with there ready and waiting to tell Santa their deepest desires

The line continued to move and things were still looking good....
She actually shoved poor Charlie in front of her the last second but definitely still had her composure
Then cutie pie Matthew decided to shove Track in there quick who had NOT agonized all week because he was quite certain he did NOT want to sit on Santa's lap (Matthew didn't get that memo)
And, it was over. Panic, tears,a small amount of hyperventilating led us to this point
And this is a few minutes later when she was begging Track to leave with her. Hey, I didn't say this story had a happy ending although she did mention maybe she would try the Santa at the mall. So I guess this story is not over, stay tuned for chapter two....

Celebrate

2009-11-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

My baby has gone from this
To This
Before I could blink
You can go ahead and call me Mother Of The Year if you feel like it.
We were a little confused at first
And started off slow...
But he's a fast learner

He's not sure what just happened but he's pretty sure whatever is was he WON!
If you were wondering what Matthew's bum looks like.....
Good as knew
Gifts are always a must
I think he likes it..

Track you are my most favorite 1 year old Boy I have EVER laid my eyes on...

Treat or Treat

2009-11-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

Random? No, I think our costumes flow nicely. Who doesn't think of a sailor, pirate (with punk rocker hair, my bad ) a bear and a bee as a totally flowing family theme?!? Hey, don't be jealous you didn't think of this funky combo yourself that's just how the Arringtons roll.
So it turns out there was A LOT of people who thought a buzzing bumblebee was the perfect apparel this Halloween and I'm not going to lie, I tend to get a little agitated when I feel like I'm following the norm but, come on, was there any bees quite this sassy?!?!..no, I'll answer that for you there was not.

This is pretty much how far we got as far as the bear head staying on, he preferred to hold it instead and about an hour into the evening of putting it back on him every 30 seconds I just walked away and let him do his own thing. It's not like I'm overly controlling and OCD or anything...
I think hot dog picnics are lovely
Just thought you probably wanted a better look at my Fab lashes.
Confessions:
#1 If I could wear fake lashes everyday without looking like a drag queen I would.
#2 Yes, I did use Halloween as an excuse to put eye liner and mascara on my three year...don't judge me it's in my blood
There, I said it.

Heart

2009-09-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

So our favorite Girl Gina G aka GiGi aka Georgina aka best sister/photographer EVER, came through again for us. I've been wanting new family pictures forever and we finally got our act together. I love them.

Lakerina Ballerina

2009-09-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

Laken is in a ballet/tap class. It's pretty much the cutest 45 minutes of my week.
Track is always riveted by her performance...

We've got Spirit how bout YOU!

2009-09-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

I've never really imagined my child as a cheerleader but I think this little stance says it all check out the finger action. Can we say Spirit Fingers!?! Here's Laken with her cute little friend Aliyah

So you're probably wondering what this little shin-dig was all about Anyway and it goes something like the Pine View Cheerleaders have a cheer clinic for a fund raiser, and for 20 bones your daughter gets to spend one hour a day for a week becoming the Peppiest most Energetic Foot Stomping, Cheer Screaming, Booty Shaking, Cheerleader they can be. Then, at the end of the week they get to perform their song/routine in front of thousands of people...and by thousands I mean hundreds at the football game. Lets just say, it was e-p-i-c.

Now I know she's not looking overly "Peppy" here but it's called nerves and over 63% of Americans suffer from them..surprised you didn't know that
Nice hand extension I think
Ah, We call that our Money Maker Smile

Now I don't actually have any pictures of her "bringing it" but let me tell you she "brought it"!! I was just too busy recording to capture that part...

P U

2009-08-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

Question: Why do Girls wear Makeup and Perfume?

Answer: Because they're Ugly and they Smell bad

My brother told me that joke ages ago and I had completely forgot about it until I saw this picture and it instantly came back to me. Oh Dear. It's the perfect before picture of a makeover where they look incredibly tired and like they've never touched mascara or a tube of lip gloss in their life. I don't particularly remember this day but it must of been rough. However I think Tracky boy saves the day with that face of perfection. Honestly does it get cuter then that..no I don't think so.

And Yes, I like to put heinous pictures on my blog just to illustrate a funny point. Don't You?!?

Sold

2009-08-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

WE JUST BOUGHT THIS HOUSE!!!Okay fine I'm lying but I bought it in my head over and over and over again since I saw it...ahhh

This house speaks to me, it begs me to raise my kids here and call it home
Laken's already packed
It's the perfect house to be silly at bedtime in and refuse to sleep. I won't mind because hello if I live there who would want to waste time sleeping anyway?
I'm pretty sure Laken was saying MOM why haven't we moved yet?!?
It's an ideal house to turn five in I think
Oh, Okay Laken wants to sleep...
I'm sure there's a pool in the backyard where Track can bask in the sun in his giant red crab
He'll even help me with the dishes when we move!

You all laugh now but that house will be mine one day and by one day I mean a day in the Very near furure...or something extremely close to it

REALLY JADE?!?!

2009-08-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a mother that was sort of missing part of her brain. The reason I say this is because if she's going to cut the end of a ribbon so it's even on both sides...she needs to go ahead and make sure the LOCK OF HAIR in front of the ribbon is out of the way. I've got nothing except that I'm lacking some chemical in my brain that enables me not to make incredibly IDIOTIC decisions. Who needs a child to cut their own hair when their MOTHER will do it for them. Like Laken has ONE hair on her head to spare the child has FEATHERS..like I said, I've got nothing. The End.

just telling it like it is

2009-08-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this little doo-dad the other day and whether I like it or not, this could probably be my slogan. Actually I should clarify a little. I wouldn't say that I am clingy in general, only to poor Matthew Lane. It's been like this since we were first married and although I think I have made great progress, I'm still a little over the top. I tend to like him near me or at least in my vicinity..at all times and so far, in our six years of marriage, I've been able to do that surprisingly well. The first four years of our marriage we were in school and lived right off of campus. We could literally see the school from our front window. This meant whenever he had a quick break or at lunch time he could run home. Even when I was working we would correlate our lunches to be at the same time. Then after I was home from work I would directly go up to the school and spend many LONG LONG nights just sitting beside him in the computer lab messing around on the computer while he did homework. After Laken was born he had his own office because of his job so I would haul Laken up there in the stroller and we would hang out in his office while he did work. So pretty much if he wasn't home, I was at the school where ever he was. Plus every summer he either worked with my dad or his mom so I was constantly taking them drinks or snacks or dropping by so our summers were never apart or on a strict schedule either. Anyway, then he graduated and got an internship in Salt Lake for six months and those were some dark days let me tell you. He was gone from 9 to 5 Five days a week! I actually found myself trying to make him feel guilty for going to work! It was a low point for me I'm not going to lie. Then we moved to St. George where he has had shall we say a "flexible schedule" where he hasn't really had to be anywhere very often at any certain time so we still spend the majority of our days together. This is sounding annoying like we're too in love to leave each others side HA ! We probably average a decent argument every hour or so I would say. Actually, the more we are around other couples the more I realize how twisted we are. For example: Yesterday I told him that the way he was wearing his hat was making his ears the main focal point on his face and that wasn't a good thing. So, he proceeded to take my head between his palms and beat my HEAD against the microwave until it turned on by the overwhelming number of buttons my head pressed! Then, we were laughing so hard I fell to the ground where he put my head between his ankles and tried this jump twist move that ended with me on my side trying to use my free leg to whack him in the stomach or face or pretty much whatever I could hit. This went on until Laken walked into the kitchen stood there for a second with her hands on her hips then said "Guys, you are NOT playing very nice" I'd like to say that those kind of instances are few and far between, but I have to admit they are more of a daily or semi-hourly occurrence. Whether we are covering each others mouths while one of us is trying to tell a story we don't like in front of people or I've actually been quoted as saying "Oh Matthew get over it I was just trying to say something hurtful" we tend to turn heads wherever we go (and not usually in a good way). I don't really know what got me on that rant but my point is although we usually are more in a blood bath then whispering sweet nothings in each others ears, I STILL prefer him around 24/7. He's my drug of choice. It's twisted I know. I think if we could land a reality show deal we would be rich. Hopefully our children come out of it okay and don't have some demented perspective of marriage...we'll hope for the best.

Love Letter

2009-07-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Huntington Beach
I am writing you this letter because I think It is time for you to know my true feelings for you. Words cannot express the deep love that runs through my veins for your beautiful blue sky your amazing sunsets and your beyond amazing weather. Your shopping almost put me over the edge as well as your innate ability to provide amazing food every which way I turned. All these things had me hooked, had me coming back for more and more. I thought our relationship was solid I thought you had given me everything I needed, until I went to heaven and by heaven I mean the beach. I left my heart at your beach there was nothing not to adore. Some people might say the beach leaves you full of sand but I left full of love and devotion for yours truly. I shall visit soon, I know I cannot stay away from you for long but until we are in each others prescience again, know that I am dreaming of you always..
All my love
Jade
PS. Don't tell my husband he wouldn't understand

Besties

2009-06-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

These two beauties were destined to be BFFS for life. Brandon and Kass found out they were pregnant the day Laken was blessed which clearly was a sign they were meant to be. It's been rather entertaining to say the least watching these two girls grow and I have a feeling we are in for a whole lot more.

Tatum decided to point out to me that Laken looks exactly like DW off of Arthur when she does that smile..I hate it when she's right
Miss Haze and her fam decited to pay us a little visit this weekend seriously, I'm in awe
We've made it a trio

L & T

2009-06-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have no need for children for it is happiness I am in search
And all the while she spoke I smiled while happiness tugged at my skirt.
Author Unknown

Just feeling blessed...

Work It!

2009-06-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

So if anyone is in need of some cool pose ideas for future pictures, look no farther... she's a natural I think

I don't know where she comes up with that kissy face?!?!

EYE-V

2009-06-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

So Miss Ivy came to stay with us for a week. Good times had by all I think. We did a little Vegas time, A LOT of swimming and a few more random odds and ends. Laken is definitely a fan of hers, actually worship her is more appropriate. Although she did say that if she was mean to her she would send her back to Canada and by mean to her she means not do everything she says and give her everything she wants... no comment

We miss you Ivy come back soon

pEaCE OuT

2009-05-01T07:38:00.000-07:00

It seems like there has been an awful lot of this going on around here

But I guess that's okay because today we are going here, and everyone knows there is not a lot of sleep happening when we go here.

We Heart Niki

2009-04-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

Niki (Matthew's little sister)was here last weekend from Provo and Niki equals FUN. It was insanely busy but I think a good time was had by all. She stayed at our house which was so fun. We layed in bed and talked way too late but shes tells a good story and I always seem to be mesmerized by them. Laken adores her and I think the feeling is mutual. She always comes bearing gifts for her which will forever be a key to Laken's heart. This is, after all who Laken got her middle name from it's only natural they share a special bond. Come back to us Niki we miss you...

Happy Happy

2009-04-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

So Laken turned 3 today. I'm trying to take my own advice and celebrate the present instead or mourning the time already spent. Laken has been talking about her party for quite some time. The other day she sat Corinne down and said, Okay lets talk about my party for a while. A couple of days later she was talking to Ellen on the phone and she asked her if she was excited and she said Yes but there is going to be ALOT of moms there. It was a lovely day. And by lovely I mean me running around for two days like a crazy person to pull off this little shin dig but, I think in the end all was well. We ended up with about 25+ children(some were babies) along with their charming mothers and what a party we had! It was at a park that also had a splash park and big grassy fields so the day was full of big toys and fountains, water balloons, lots of food and lots of presents. Laken was in her glory and lets hope that glory lasts for quite some time because her next big party is when she's 11! I'm so grateful to have such fun, supportive friends it makes everything so much easier. Honestly what we wont do for our children.

Just telling it like it is..

2009-04-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this little doo-dad the other day and whether I like it or not, this could probably be my slogan. Actually I should clarify a little. I wouldn't say that I am clingy in general, only to poor Matthew Lane. It's been like this since we were first married and although I think I have made great progress, I'm still a little over the top. I tend to like him near me or at least in my vicinity..at all times and so far, in our six years of marriage, I've been able to do that surprisingly well. The first four years of our marriage we were in school and lived right off of campus. We could literally see the school from our front window. This meant whenever he had a quick break or at lunch time he could run home. Even when I was working we would correlate our lunches to be at the same time. Then after I was home from work I would directly go up to the school and spend many LONG LONG nights just sitting beside him in the computer lab messing around on the computer while he did homework. After Laken was born he had his own office because of his job so I would haul Laken up there in the stroller and we would hang out in his office while he did work. So pretty much if he wasn't home, I was at the school where ever he was. Plus every summer he either worked with my dad or his mom so I was constantly taking them drinks or snacks or dropping by so our summers were never apart or on a strict schedule either. Anyway, then he graduated and got an internship in Salt Lake for six months and those were some dark days let me tell you. He was gone from 9 to 5 Five days a week! It was a low point for me I'm not going to lie. Then we moved to St. George where he has had shall we say a "flexable schedule" where he hasn't really had to be anywhere very often at any certain time so we still spend the majority of our days together. This is sounding annoying like we're too in love to leave each others side HA ! We probably average a decent argument every hour or so I would say. Actually, the more we are around other couples the more I realize how twisted we are. For example: Yesterday I told him that the way he was wearing his hat was making his ears the main focal point on his face and that wasn't a good thing. So, he proceeded to take my head between his palms and beat my HEAD against the microwave until it turned on by the overwhelming number of buttons my head pressed! Then, we were laughing so hard I fell to the ground where he put my head between his ankles and tried this jump twist move that ended with me on by side trying to use my free leg to whack him in the stomach or face or pretty much whatever I could hit. This went on until Laken walked into the kitchen stood there for a second with her hands on her hips then said "Guys, you are NOT playing very nice" I'd like to say that those kind of instances are few and far between, but I have to admit they are more of a daily or semi-hourly occurrence. Whether we are covering each others mouths while one of us is trying to tell a story we don't like in front of people or I've actually been quoted as saying "Oh Matthew get over it I was just trying to say something hurtful" we tend to turn heads wherever we go (and not usually in a good way). I don't really know what got me on that rant but my point is although we usually are more in a blood bath then whispering sweet nothings in each others ears, I STILL prefer him around 24/7. He's my drug of choice. It's twisted I know. I think if we could land a reality show deal we would be rich. Hopefully our children come out of it okay and don't have some messed up perspective of marriage...we'll hope for the best.

Don't read with water in your mouth

2009-04-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

So here's a cute little story for you. Easter Sunday I go to church seems normal enough. I was wearing a silky dress a few inches past my knee. (that sound's ugly but I promise it's cute). Anyways I had washed it the night before and had just let it air dry so it didn't get a dryer sheet or anything. I noticed once I got to church that it was getting all clingy and staticy which was way annoying so I had to keep going in the bathroom and getting water to rub on it and my legs to get it not to cling to me. Well we have Sacrament last and we were sitting on the very back row however, since it was Easter Sunday, the curtain was open and the whole gym was also filled. So Laken starts getting whiny and says she has to go to the bathroom. So I pick her up and walk out the side door. It was probably only ten steps to the door but there was the whole gym of people behind me. As soon as I got out in the hall a lady standing right beside the door hurry and reached behind me and PULLED DOWN my dress!!! It was right below my BUM clinging from static to my bum and legs AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I promise no word of a lie. Just then this lady popped her head through the door and looks at me terrified and says oh good you walked out and your dress was pulled up so I thought I better come tell you!!So just tweek this lovely picture of Marilyn a little and replace it it with me, a crying child, and white spandex biker shorts! So pretty much the only thing I have in common with this picture is you can almost see her bum. I'm having trouble breathing just writing this. So I just stood there for a second getting my composure telling myself over and over again Jade, your 25 it's not the end of the world your an adult don't make this into a bigger deal then it is. After I said this fifteen times in my head I parked myself on the couch because there was NO way I was walking back in there. I almost walked home but Matthew had Track and if he got fussy he wouldn't know where I was etc. The second the meeting was over I grabbed Matthew the second he walked out and marched out to the car. Of course he was in hysterics and will not stop tormenting me about it. The only very very small minimal amount of comfort was the fact that the back was filled with visitors and not our ward members so hopefully I will never see any of them in my life AGAIN. I am that girl that people got to go home and over Easter dinner talk about the freak they saw in sacrament flashing everyone. My Life I tell you. Anyways I think I should get some props for documenting my trauma for the enjoyment of others. Just laugh away people and now you can say you actually know someone who really did that.

(oh ya just a little advice, don't google "girl with dress flying up" it's not pretty)

Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail

2009-04-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

So we did a little egg dying. It was pretty intense. We all got to go to church the next day with blue and green fingers...that's hot.
Sunday we had an Easter Egg Hunt in the back yard. Track was WAY into it.
Gina working her mad skills. Look a little closer for a picture in a picture if you will
He makes me happy
Laken was a mad egg finder. We only had to RE-hide the eggs about five times. She just couldn't get enough.

This is how we roll...

My HeArT belongs to..

2009-04-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

Track.... among others. But especially today he fully has the whole thing. My baby turned Five months today and I have to say I'm half in mourning and half in awe. Looking back at his brand fresh pictures I can't help but to panic that time is going too quickly. I feel like I was just holding him for the very first time so relieved that he was Finally here! Now sitting here five months later I am in awe at how amazing he is and how much joy and fun he brings to our family. I learned a long time ago that you can't stay stuck in the past wishing you could turn back time, you half to embrace the here and now and not be paralyzed in the part you cant control.

So for now I am going to savor ever second with this piece of heaven and watch him grow....without crying.

I love this stage when they start to recognize everyone but their head still bobbles.

How lucky am I to wake up to this smiling face every morning it's seriously infectious you cant help be to instantly grin with him

Laken loves for him to sit in her room on her precious princess chair and watch her play. It would be more ideal if he did not nose dive out of it every few seconds....ahhh the joys of an older sister

BLOCK

2009-04-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have the BIGGEST writers block lately.Every time I sit down to do a post I end up staring at the screen for five minutes and then walking away. I'm actually still very much in that mode but I thought maybe if I write about by writers block it just might get the creative juices flowing. I'm also a little bit of a picky blogger. I'm not a fan of anything too staged. For example I once saw a post on a girls blog with pictures of her garbage so she could some how tie it into her lame story about garbage around her house. Now if you step back and break that down a little, that girl took the time to go around her house taking pictures of her GARBAGE. Too much pride over here for me to actually admit that I have nothing better to do with my time then blog about such lame-o stuff. I'm also not one to bare my soul. I have a hard enough time doing that in person (although I'm getting a lot better) then to write it on the internet for all to see that makes me feel a little naked if you will. Anyways maybe instead of writing what I don't like I should go ahead and blog about what I do like. However, not tonight. I have a date in my bed with Matthew and Daniel Craig...Quantum of Solace people.
You might also note the randomness of these pictures. Ya they refer back to my "I don't know how to blog anymore" speech so I thought it only appropriate to have meaningless photos that don't add up to much to go with my meaningless rant. The End

Soooo

2009-03-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

I thought it was high time to change the blog up a bit. As clever as Laken was, there comes a time when it gets a little old. I actually have a pretty good excuse called Matthew had the lab top where he's working for the week (another whole story) so I was computerless and pretty much empty. Anyways Tatum came and stayed for a week (yet another story) so of course we needed a cousin photo shoot among others. I'm not putting a ton of Beckham because that is what Tatum's blog is for but I couldn't resist a few. I know I've said it a million times but Gina is truly amazing. She has such an eye and I love being her practice projects...

Hollywood is Calling

2009-02-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

I hesitate to put this on because honestly she looks like a little devil child but Tatum and Jacklyn begged me. She was honestly not the least bit mad and then as soon as I put the camera on, she decided to put on a show. I showed it to her on the computer after and she had tears running down her face she was laughing so hard, what will I do with this child!?!?

Oh ya and I didn't spank her!

Tracky Poo

2009-02-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

So I felt like poor little Track was a little left out so here's a posty just for him. He's already three months old which is crazy and so fun. I still don't know who he looks like but I do know he's pretty much adored around here! These are all super duper random but it's my blog and I don't have to have a rhyme or reason right?!?!

Betcha Ya didn't know

2009-02-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know if everyone has been current with the latest trends, so in case your a little behind, purple lip accessories are the new BIG thing. They are very versatile and can dress up or dress down pretty much any outfit. Laken is very fashion forward especially for her age and insists on sporting one of these pretty much every time I whip up the magic concoction. Anyways just thought I would keep everyone in the loop...your welcome

Ivy+Track= Really Good Babysitter

2009-01-27T14:51:00.000-08:00

I know she looks a little annoyed in these pictures, but I took them right before I snuck upstairs for a little snooze and she was More then happy to have some quality time with Track.

And here's a little version of Goldy Locks from Miss Laken

WILL- I- AM

2009-01-25T21:31:00.000-08:00

My favorite one and only brother has officially grown up. And by growing up I mean he's hitting the pavement and going to serve the Lord aka. A mission. The San Diego Spanish speaking one to be exact. I don't think I can explain my like for this boy without sounding cheesy, which isn't really my thing, so lets just leave it at this.There are not many 19 year old boys out there like this one. He has such a love for the gospel and I have never seen anyone more excited to serve the Lord. I know he is going to be an amzing missionary, anyone who gets the priviledge to be found by Elder Jardine is one lucky guy..or girl.
I only have one picture with him and Track, ya he really likes him

Laken, on the other hand loved having him around for a couple of months she followed him around like a puppy dog

Ladies look out! When this boy gets back in two years he's going to be a lean, mean, one scooter riding machine! We always tell him he's going to make a good husband because he grew up around all us crazy girls. Nothing phases him, i mean NOTHING. We also tell him he better go ahead and let us pick his wife because if we don't like her, ah that poor girl is all I have to say.

Lets have a looksy

2008-12-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

At first glance this might look like a classic cousin in the tub picture, however on second glance,you realize the master timing involved for this most comical picture. Kuddos to Tatum

Randomness at it's fullest

2008-12-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

About as random as it gets but my brain couldn't form these into anything but what they are so whatevea
She got herself ready...a huh
I've yet to get them in a picture together without him sooo mad
HaHa

On a Sunday afternoon...

2008-12-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

Sort of Lame-O

2008-12-01T09:24:00.000-08:00

Just a little randomness over the last few days....
This in her giant cow head that Will brought her back from Switzerland. If your wondering what she's mooing like a cow

Staying on Track

2008-11-20T18:04:00.000-08:00

I convinced Gina this afternoon to snap some pictures and they turned out perfect. I am so lucky to have my own personal photographer at my disposal! Anyways these are his two week pictures I can't believe how fast time flies it needs to slow down a little....

We also did a photo shoot while my mother and Tatum and Beckham were here, and these are some of the fruits of our labor. Cutest cousins I've ever seen don't you think?

Baby Track

2008-11-13T21:25:00.000-08:00

Okay I realize that I've skipped the hospital scene but it's still coming. It has been a little crazy around here and the days are flying by. But my mom and Tatum leave tomorrow (I don't want to talk about it) and then I'll have plenty of lonely days for plenty of blogging. So these are actually for my dad and sisters who apparently are going crazy. He's beyond perfect........

And so it begins..

2008-11-08T17:43:00.000-08:00

Introducing Track Matthew Arrington 9 pounds 3 ounces 20 1/2 inches long.

I have a million pictures as well as details but everything is a little crazy now sooo thought this picture was funny and probably a small indication of his life with Laken as a big sister, poor little guy. Thanks for all the comments and more details soon!

Here He Is!

2008-11-07T16:12:00.000-08:00

Okay so we managed a couple of pictures quick. Still NO NAME!!! My vote is in but Matthew thinks he needs to read the name book just ONE more time. The labor was a dream more details to follow. He's perfect and we're all in love....

Top 10 Reasons

2008-10-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

Why I LOVE being Pregnant

*I get to be that girl that when I go out in public, and other girls see me, no matter how bad their day is they can say "at least I'm not that girl waddling around looking hopeless." Not everyone gets to be that girl and I'm glad I can brighten someones day

*It's kind of exciting, and a little game I have with myself to see every month when I go to the doctor, just how much weight I can actually gain in such a small amount of time. I've hit a few personal bests and that can be really gratifying

*Some people say Flinstone feet aren't becoming. But I can see in Matthew's eyes when he looks down at my feet, they take him back to his childhood of watching that silly cartoon, and to me,that is priceless.

*Also I like having cankles right now so that I know that when I'm not pregnant, I probably wouldn't prefer them...

*Some people call them stretch marks, no I call them love sketches from my little artist because if I look really hard, sometimes I can make out little pictures, and all I can think is they're from my little bundle of joy

*Going to the bathroom seven times a night gives me more time to reflect on the day before and silently curse every time I brought any liquid to my mouth

*I've discovered a hidden talent that I'm pretty sure could make me a lot of money and that is the involuntary grunts and noises I can produce by simply bending over to pick something up. Imagine if I really put my mind to it, I could do sound effects for a really funny cartoon or something

*My husband affectionately calls me Pregzilla and even though he says it in an annoyed voice, I know it's his way of saying "You're beautiful Jade"

*Having sausage fingers reminds me I want something to eat every half of an hour

*Being able to clear an entire room of people in under three seconds sending them all gagging can make you feel like you have super powers or something
Oh ya one more thing....

Does this baby make me look fat!?!

Beautiful Utah

2008-10-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend we headed up to Duck Valley Utah, about forty minutes up the canyon from Cedar City Utah with our fun friends the Hamptons. Spencer's parents own a cabin there and graciously invited us to come spend a couple of days. It was a lot of fun and as you can see Beautiful! I didn't get very many pictures but I managed a few. Although I was semi useless and one giant whining, grunting machine, we still managed to have fun.

We went exploring in some caves that were super cool. By we I mean I sat on a giant rock while the dads took the girls exploring. I thought Laken would be freaked, but she was a brave little thing.
We finished the day with a giant Popsicle which, ended up not to be the best idea. Each girl took turns having a sugar melt down (seeing how the Popsicles were as big as their heads) the rest of the evening. That's okay though all in all I would say it was a fun weekend away.

don't judge me

2008-10-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

Okay so anyone who knows me knows my love for Gilmore Girls. I come from a long line of them and can fully admit that I may have a small unhealthy obsession. In times of desperation the phrase "what would Loralie do?" all too often has entered my mind. However, I realized that this love may have hit a new low when a while ago Laken and I we're home alone somewhat bored. We had read all the good books and had changed Bitty Baby for the kazillion time when Laken let out a long sigh and said "lets just go watch Gilmore Girls" I panicked and was so proud all in the same moment. I mean sure, most two year olds don't know all the characters from an adult drama series but i figure there are a lot more applicable life lessons for her to learn on Gilmore then lets say Yo Gabba Gabba any day.So since that sweet moment we have developed a small ritual. Whenever things are dull around here, we climb up on my bed with something gilmorish between us like red vines or peanut MnM's and spend some special mother daughter quality time together. What can i say like mother like daughter?!?!

Laken the Lovely

2008-10-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ever since Laken was born i always told myself i was going to write things down that were funny or sweet or memorable in some way. Well so far i have completely failed in that department and the child just keeps getting more comical. So here's a desperate attempt to remember the things you think you could never forget but somehow at the end of a crazy day, nothing is a s clear as it was even few hours before let alone the next day or heaven forbid a week later.
Laken- Mom Please Please hold me!

Mom- Laken I'm trying to make dinner can you just watch me for a little longer

Laken- Well why don't you TRY to be like Jesus then and hold me!

Mom- Well child you got me there....

Mom- Laken did you just toot!?!! (likes that's anything new)

Laken- Nope i farty farty

Sitting on the couch looking at my belly

Laken-Mom your sure getting pretty chubby...

Mom-I am! (pretending like I'm crying)

Laken-It's okay mom I'm chubby to!

She loves to pretend that she's talking to people on the phone

Laken-Hey Jessie whats Kracka Lackin (she gets that from her father)

Laken-Oh hi GiGi (what she calls my mom) ya you can come over but bring me a sucker..and some gum...and don't tell my mom!

Laken-Dad, mom says you better get home right now or your in BIG trouble..pause, okay we'll just hurry!

Mom- Laken what should we name your baby brother

Laken-Um i think Grover, ya he likes that name

Tatum-Laken you need to stop hitting Beckham on the head with the diapers

Laken- (In a very distraught voice) I really want to hit Beckham!

Tatum- No Laken it will make him cry, you don't want him to cry do you?!?!

Laken-(Now gritting her teeth and talking very low and slow) I just want to hit him a little bit really bad Please!!

Tatum-(Trying not to burst out laughing) Sorry Laken you can't hit him

Laken- Fine!! as she folds her arms and marches away real indignant like

Getting her out of bed first thing in the morning

Mom- Good morning Laken did you have a good sleep?

Laken Ya but watch me how i stretch my arms like this (out to her side) i look exactly like Cinderella when i do this huh

Mom-As a matter of fact you do look like Cinderella

Laken-Ya i know!

Sitting in church in sacrament meeting

Laken-Mom! (in a very loud voice) if you take me to nursery i am going to cry real loud!

Mom-Laken shush we have to be quite right now

Laken-(Now squishing my cheeks between her hands and leaning on my forehead) okay but I'll cry i promise!

Mom-Laken how come you went Potty in your panties?!?!

Laken-Cause i just did it (very matter of factly)

Mom-I know but why

Laken-i don't know but uh oh, my belle panties are crying now cause they're wet!

Mom-we better wash them quick then

Laken-Yup better do it quick before she cries again

There's a thousand more stories I've tragically forgotten or am too tired to remember at this time. Actually pretty much everything she says is funny, partly because I'm the mom and will think it's funny no matter what and partly because their own voice saying it and using their own expression always makes it classic. She's pretty crazy though and will talk your ear off if you sit too long.But now I can't stop thinking what this little boy's personality is going to be like. I'm thinking either she'll run the show and do all his talking and decision making for him until he's finally sick of it or, he'll be as crazy and strong headed as her and they can compete for everyone's attention... I don't know which one i prefer i guess I'll just have to be patient a while.

October 3rd best day of the year

2008-10-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

Sooo it was my Birthday last Friday and not too shabby of a day it was...

I woke up to these bad boys for breakfast. My whole life growing up it was a tradition to get crepes on your birthday and this birthday was no exception.

Got to walk through this cool pink wonder everytime i walked down the hall.

My very creative and clever husband made me my own chocolate bar card. We're way past just a boring card in an envelope around here..

And Will made the most amazing chocolate cake from scratch with special chcolate icing and the J is made out of pepperment filling stuff, AMAZING! It's times like these that being prego and guilt free eating go hand in hand.

I was spoiled rotten with presents from everyone from make-up to candles to gift cards to Tia Pan and Nordstom and Matthew also suprised me with a trip for a facial that was most relaxing and the night ended with going out for dinner. So like i said before the day was not too shabby in the least bit.

A riddle if you will

2008-09-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you cross a duck and volkswagon beatle?

ME!!! that's what you get and it's not THAT funny! I'm a waddleing small vehicle that can literally hold up traffic!

Lights Camera Action

2008-09-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

My darling sister-in-law Gina took Laken on a photo shoot with her amazing camera and her amazing abilities. She did such a good job and we love her!

This is what you call a Make-Under

2008-09-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

So Laken and i decided to experiment the other day and although my hopes were high, the results were questionable. So for now i think i'm going to have to be patient as hard as it may be and wait for the poor thing to grow and little more hair so we can avoid this look in the future.